Angeles was a cultural anthropologist who took indigenous rituals and traditions and taught how to walk the mystical path with practical feet. She gave more than permission to live a life of following what has heart and meaning. In fact, she encouraged and expected it of those who studied with her. She gave me roots in the learnings about treating life as sacred. She taught the work of listening deeply, going from medium to slow, saying what’s so when it is so and asking, “What’s learning ya?”
I have set things aside in my life because they seemed impossible and I was afraid. Then I went through a phase in my 20’s when being afraid meant I should just do it, whatever it was. And that led to some really stupid and risky choices, so stupid they aren’t worth giving attention to here. Then I had a family and I took being afraid as something to pay attention to. I heard fears as coming from my inner knowing, speaking to me and guiding me in my mothering and “wife-ing” and in my work as a psychotherapist.
Now, single with grown kids, and collecting social security, I am back to looking at what seemed impossible, a move to Chicago. With the realization I wanted a change and wanted to move, the move has gradually become inevitable. And, now with the rental of my home for a year, the mess of boxes, bubble wrap, and sorting, with bags labeled “let go”, this move has become inevitable. As my father said when I moved to CA, “What do you have to loose?” The adventurer in him could say that with the deepest of confidence in me. The confidence I am drawing on again, for a road trip back to Chitown.
First things seem impossible and I am sure they are. Then they seem improbable and then with a push from here or there, they become inevitable. When I get out of my own way, possibilities seem to show up and say, “Hey, notice me”